i have work to do...

[madd74]

(12/15 17:23:48) cmplxty7: I never met Jess in person and told you not to hurt her
(12/15 17:24:09) madd74: so fucking what, you KNEW she had an interest in me, in a way that was more than friends
(12/15 17:24:30) madd74: by your own definition you should have backed down and shown no interested since she was so into me
(12/15 17:24:34) cmplxty7: so fucking what is that I wasn't fakey to her and pretended to give a shit about how she felt
(12/15 17:25:02) MaddChatBot: Error: Connection status: 500
(12/15 17:25:08) MaddChatBot: Error: Connection status: 500
(12/15 17:25:19) madd74: test
(12/15 17:25:25) madd74: hhm
(12/15 17:25:33) madd74: connection 500 error, i lost what i wrote
(12/15 17:25:56) madd74: shari could save Jarin from death and you would see her as nothing more than a hanis bitch that deserves to die
(12/15 17:26:11) madd74: and THAT says something about you
(12/15 17:26:41) madd74: originally i said that Shari cares more than you could ever give her credit for, and then something else to that
(12/15 17:27:00) madd74: then i was going to follow with how she could save Jarin from death
(12/15 17:27:02) MaddChatBot: cmplxty7 has been logged out (Timeout).

[cmplxty7]

I did not realize I had to log back in after the 500 error.

And I would not think anyone saving Jarin from death is a heinous person that deserves to die. And if that is ever the case she will have respect from me - and that is one of the very few things she could do to get it.

12/15 17:27:02) MaddChatBot: cmplxty7 has been logged out (Timeout).
(12/15 17:30:52) MaddChatBot: madd74 leaves the channel.
(12/15 17:33:35) cmplxty7: can you tell me how many of your friends have bothered to meet your baby?
(12/15 17:33:50) MaddChatBot: cmplxty7 logs into the Chat.
(12/15 17:34:16) cmplxty7: even your good, close ones?
(12/15 17:34:29) cmplxty7: we do nto make ourselves unavailable.
(12/15 17:35:02) cmplxty7: as soon as I got pregnant and we moved in together many of them vanished.
(12/15 17:35:34) cmplxty7: and ever since that one fight we had I have had the thought in my head that it is probably because I am such a bitch.
(12/15 17:36:27) cmplxty7: do you know what kind of a weight that is to bear? That someone's friends that were supposed to be part of momentous occasions like having a baby and buying a house, just up and left because of me?

[cmplxty7]

BTW = for switching to a private chat so that no one else can see what we are saying, it is showing up on the shout board at the bottom of the screen.

[madd74]

that is because in chat you are still under "ferfer" so the "ferfer" channel shows up down there. I am in Madd'sWorld, and see, Red Warrior is about to die, and his life force is running out.

[madd74]

(and that I am working hard, which I am going to go do)

Where your so called logic fails. Melissa, has shown more than interest in FAMILY situations, and you treat her (internally) worse than anyone else, just because you are "annoyed" at her. You comments about Jenno and Shari about how much they are in the wrong in what they do or claim, well, that is all it is to me because of this big example here. She is a woman, and you are the one who has issues with that, so you lash out in some way shape or form. I know, it still rings from before we went to see Beowulf and she sent me a text. Yet, she thinks (most likely) that you are groovy and wants to hang out with everyone. Little does she know how much you despise her and the bad mouthing you have done towards her with me.

This right here should be some form of proof to you, Jen, that there is something strange going up there in your mind, and that it is not anything I am attempting to do, or prove, or get back at you or anything. Then jen I originally knew and got to be close with, had a lot of psychology books. The Jen I talk to now, would act as if none of that has ever happened... and I do not understand, and want to know why. I am tired of fighting. I am tired of yelling. I am tired of getting upset. I am tired of shortting my self out with anger and frustration.

Please, seriously, think of a Beautiful Mind, how set he was that everyone else was in the wrong. He was so set that he bet his child's life and his wife, until it finally clicked to him... the proof finally came to him. The girl never aged. Think of your car, think of the way you reacted yesterday on the phone... please, dear, I love you and I really want things to work out with us... I want you to see that I am just not attempting to be an ass or fuckhole as you have said.

[cmplxty7]

I know I have issues. Several. A few of which you have no clue - you couldn't unless I told you, which I have not. I have security and anger and resentment issues. I know where some of them come from, some I do not. I cannot afford a licensed therapist, and fuck if I go see a free one through work again. That fucking bitch told me I had a princess syndrome without ever questioning if there may be deeper issues and finding out what they may be. I have serious issues, and am not about to be told again by someone that it is something as not serious as that.

From the way Melissa and Mair talk on the forums, I do not understand how either of them could like me as much as it seems and want to be friends with me, being the unwed smoking drinking mother that I am. Not to mention, if she really does want to hang out with me or do things, she has my number - I've never heard from her since she moved here. So actions tell me otherwise.

"please, dear, I love you and I really want things to work out with us..."
thank for making me cry now.
do you know how little I ever think that you actually feel this way? Because I rarely hear this. I always hear what I am doing that makes you not want to be with me, and what I can do to ensure that you will pack my shit for me, and why you will not marry me.

Do you even know how semi-depressed I have been with it being Christmas and you are (outwardly) more interested in your daily video games than you are with Christmas? You don't seem to want to help plan or decorate or shop. I am trying to get into family Christmas mode, and I feel like I am the only one trying to. I feel like you do not know when I am upset, or sad, or anything but bitchy. And I doubt that I approach you about any of my feelings again anytime soon.