Family Loss

[Mair]

Back in October, Dave's dad called him to tell him happy birthday. "And oh, by the way...Grandpa has lung cancer." Only about 3 weeks later, we got word that they have now found tumors on Dave's grandpa's brain. And there were LOTS of them.
Last Thursday, we got word that hospice had given Grandpa about 2-3 weeks to live. Four days later, he died. This is only the beginning for him. He knew Jesus Christ as his personal savior and will live eternally with Him. So, I believe the words "Don't cry for me cuz I'm happy" are fitting. But he left behind a wife, 3 children (all grown of course) and 3 grandchildren, one of whom is practically like a son. The child (who is now 13) has never known any father except his grandfather, so I would imagine this is probably striking him the hardest. All of these folks are going to miss him. You know...I really didn't care much for the man. He got on my nerves. However, looking back at the little time I knew him (5 years), I get a chuckle out of him. For the first few years we were married, he would call Dave on his birthday to sing to him. And sing he would. In his loudest boomingest voice he could come up with. It was so funny because he thought he was being so serious and professional. Also, Dave puked in his car a year after we got married from having drank too much at his brother's wedding. Grandpa just took the car to the car wash and cleaned it up with no complaints. In fact, he didn't even tell us he took the car to the car wash. He just disappeared, so I put 2 and 2 together. (Even though I knew Dave was going to throw up so I screamed for him to pull over about a million times. He either ignored me or didn't hear me (even though I was YELLING in the little dinky car), so he had plenty of warning to pull the dang car over).
Anyway, the real problem is...we are flying to Oregon for the memorial service. I will have to see Dave's mother. I do NOT like her. Not one bit. The last time I saw her was 2 1/2 years ago as she was storming out of my house because we had just had a HUGE fight because I didn't appreciate the way she had been treating Dave. She is constantly running her mouth at others' expense. She doesn't care who she hurts as long as she's getting attention. So, I'm just praying that God will give me strength to keep my mouth shut while we're there. I don't want to cause any additional trouble.

[cmplxty7]

I am sorry for your husband's (and therefore also your) loss.

I hope you have a good flight there & back. My only thoughts regarding the MIL is to avoid her best you can - give her your condolences and do not speak to her beyond that. If she tries to brew stuff up, just say that you do not believe this is the proper circumstances to be discussing it, and remove yourself from her presence. Ask Madd, I KNOW how hard it can be to hold your tongue (I rarely do) - but it really will make you the better person in the situation if you do. Is it still cliche if it's true?

[Mair]

yes the only way to handle her is to hold my tongue. That's what I need God's strength for. It'll be ok. When I was out for her dad's funeral 3 1/2 years ago, I barely spoke to her and it ended up being a nice trip. Hopefully this will go the same way.